Daily Humors

The 7 Most Inappropriate Products For Children

Posted: 16 Sep 2009 08:16 AM PDT

1 Pole Dance Doll

The keywords on the box read "Interesting," "Flash," and "Up and Down," which sound like they were written by the happiest pedophile in playland.

2 Shave The Baby

So many questions...
1) Why does this baby have so much pubic hair?
2) Why does this baby have hair suspenders?
3) Why does this baby have hairy ankles?
Bottom line: Most babies don't need shaving and encouraging that is creepy.

3 Kid's Nipple Tassle T-Shirt

Available in "nipper sizes" 0-6 months, 6-12 months. Shudder.

4 Baby Glutton

Spanish toymaker Berjuan released a doll that allows children to "breast-feed" their babies. A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth. The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby." We think you should.

5 Stuffed STDs

"My child has herpes!" If that's something you'd like to yell without your child actually being infected with a venereal disease then these plushies are for you...you weirdo.

6 Baby Stilettos

Finally! Baby stilettos have hit the market to give those unsightly flab-filled baby calves some lift. They will be useful for the girls who loved the pole-dancing doll

7 Toy Tattoo Gun

The GR8 TaT2 Maker by Spin Master Toys promises an "easy-to-use tattoo maker kit...[that] creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects." If only there was a plushy for Hepatitis.

7 Crazy NASCAR Wrecks Where Drivers Walked Away Safe

Posted: 16 Sep 2009 08:14 AM PDT

7. Location: Winston 500, Cars Involved: 1, Year: 1993