Daily Humors |
| Punchlines To The 100 Most Bizzare Jokes of All-Time Posted: 28 Jul 2009 10:32 AM PDT  Q:How do you make a dead baby float? A:1 scoop of ice cream and 2 scoops of dead baby. Q:What's the similarities between a jew and a stiff nipple? A:They both disappear after a hot shower. Q:What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby? A:I don't ejaculate on an apple before I eat it. Q:What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A:Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. Q: A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair. "Sally," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding." "I didn't mom," Sally replied. A: "I was giving a bl@wjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me." Q:What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? A:You just KNOW she'll swallow. Q: A man walks into the bar and sees a sign: Handjob: $5 Cheese sandwich: $2 He walks over to the bartender, a big boobied blonde, and asks, "Are you the one giving out handjobs?" "Why yes I am!", she replied, smiling and sticking out her chest. "Okay," he said. A: "Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!" Q: What is the best part about having sex with a 5 year old? A: Their hand makes your d–k look bigger! Q: What is the worst part about having sex with a 5 year old? A: Getting the blood off of your clown suit. Q: Do you know how to kill a hundred flies at once? A: Smash an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. Q: How do you starve a black guy? A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots. Q:What's gross? A:A dead baby in a garbage can Q:What's grosser than gross? A:Thirty dead babies in a garbage can Q:What's grosser still? A:One live one at the bottom, eating its way out Q: Whats better than having sex with a 12 yr. old vietnamese boy? A: NOTHING Q:Why don't black people take cruises? A:They fell for that trick once already! Q: What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne? A: Acne doesn't come on a boys face until after he's thirteen. Q:How many men does it take to open a beer? A:None, the beer should be open when SHE brings it! Q:What's pink and bubbly and scratches at the glass? A:Baby in a microwave. Q: What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? A: Not being retarded. Q: Why do you never put a baby in a blender head first? A: Because the look on their face is priceless! Q:How do you get a gay man to have sex with a woman? A:Take a dump in her vagina. Q:What does a black kid get for Christmas? A:Your bike. Q: Did you hear Micheal Jackson was found dead? A: He got food poisoning from an 11 year old wiener. Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? A: One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other f***s little boys. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up like an altar boy. Q:What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid get for christmas? A:Cancer. Q:What do you do when a woman gets hit by a car. A:Wonder what the car was doing in the kitchen. Q: What did Jesus do when he got to the Holiday Inn? A: He threw some nails down on the counter and asked, "Can you put me up for the night?" Q: How did the Grand Canyon get there? A: Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole. Q:What do you do after you rape a deaf mute? A:Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone. Q:Whats the difference between Sarah Palin and Jesus? A:Sarah Palin gets nailed EVERYDAY Q: What's this? (pinches skin on both sides of neck) A: An Ethiopian eating a cornflake. Q:why did the Mexicans only bring 8,000 men to attack the Alamo? A:They only had 2 trucks. Q:What's black or white and red all over? A:An inter-racial abortion Q: What's green and red, green and red, green and red? A: A frog in a blender Q:What lives in my basement, is Black and Blue, and hates sex? A:My son Q:Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A:All the ones who can run, jump, or swim have already crossed the border. Q:What's the worst part about having sex with Marilyn Monroe? A:Maggots. Q:How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? A:Depends on how hard you throw them. Q:What's the worst thing about fucking a dead baby? A:Getting blood on your clown suit. Q:What two things does a black woman get after an abortion??? A:1. A "Thank You" card from the welfare system of her state. 2. A $200 check from "Crimestoppers". Q:What has four legs and one arm? A:A Doberman in a playground. Q:Why do women have small feet? A:It allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? A: Santa Claus goes down the chimney. Q:What do you call a black guy flying an aeroplane? A:The pilot, you racist fuck. Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Q:What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? A:The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out Q: What is brown and gurgles? A: A baby in a casserole. Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic? A: Someone too lazy to steal. Q:Why did the cripple die? A: Because I shot it in the face Q: What do you get a dead baby for Christmas? A: A dead puppy. Q:Why Wasn't Christ Born In Mexico? A:Because They Couldn't Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin. Q:Why can't Mexican high schoolers take drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? A:Too much work for the donkey. Q:How did copper wire get invented? A:Two jews grabbed for the same penny. Q:What do you get when you cross a black guy with an octopus? A:I don't know but it sure could pick a lot of cotton. Q: How can you tell when your sister is on her period? A: Your dad's dick tastes funny. Q: What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night? A: Crib death. Q:What do you call an Indian dating service? A:Connect the Dots. Q:How about: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" A:So the horse replies, "I have Down's Syndrome." Q:What's black on top and white on bottom? A:Rape. Q: what do you get when you put a baby in a box full of razor blades and kick it down a flight of stairs? A: an erection. Q:Why was the black Jew mad? A:He had to sit in the back of the gas chamber. Q:What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A:Being raped. Q: Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven? A: God gave him his gas bill. Q: What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on? A: A white girls ass! Q:What's better than raping an infant? A:Hearing the ribs crack under the pressure. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A: They both drip when they're fucked. Q:Whats the difference between black people and dog shit? A:Dog shit turns white and stop stinking. Q:How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A:AIDS Q:What do 75,000 abused women every year have in common? A:They don't f**king listen Q:What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall? A:He breaks his nose. Q: How many house wives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None! What the f–k are they doing out of the kitchen!? Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: Take your foot off its head! Q:Why did helen keller's dog run away? A:You would too if your name was frggndorffngg. Two variations, the second one is the best! 1.Q: what's the difference between a truck-load full of bowling balls, and a truckload full of dead baby heads? A: you can't unload the truck full of bowling balls with a pitch fork! 2.Q:at's the difference between a truck-load full of bowling balls, and a truckload full of dead baby heads? A: You can't fuck the bowling balls! Q: How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl? A: Give them a basketball. Q:Whats the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? A:It only takes one nail to hang the picture Q: Whats the difference between pink and purple? A: The grip Q: What's better than not being retarded? A: ICE CWEEAM!!! Q: Why won't a black guy use aspirin? A: He's too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle. Q: What is the worst part about killing a baby? A: Getting blood on your clown suit. Q: How did the Virgin Mary know Jesus was gay? A: His dick tasted like shit. Q:Redneck brother says to his sister: "Gee, you fuck better than Mom!" A:Sis: "Yeah, that's what Dad says too." Q: Why Do They Using Mexicans Instead Of Laboratory Rats In Experiments Now? A: Mexicans breed faster and you don't get so attached to them. Q: What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla? A: A retarded gorilla Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter? A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her Q: How did Jesus walk on water? A: Shit floats. Q:Whats black and blue and hates sex ? A:The 4 year old in my trunk Q: How much does Jesus love you? A: (Spread arms and look mopey) This much. Q:What has 8 balls and rapes Mexicans? A:The lottery. Q:What does a redneck girl say the first time she has sex? A:"Get off me, Daddy! You're crushing my Marlboros." Q: How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle? A: Nail one of it's hands to the floor. Q:A smoking hot girl walks into a bar. A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!" A:She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?" And he replies, "Because I'm stronger than you." Q:A dirty old man pulls up in his car beside a little boy. Holding a bag full of sweets, he says, "Hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come in my car?" A:The little boy replies, "Hell mister, give me the whole bag and I'll come in your mouth!" Q:A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. A:She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he stabs her & nicks her purse. A Jew and a fag go to heaven. St. Peter tells the Jew, "We're full, so you can go back, but only if you promise to stop being cheap." Then he tells the fag the same, but "only if you promise to stop thinking about gay sex." They go back, but then the Jew sees a penny on the floor, tries to pick it up, and they both die. A Rabbi and a Priest are walking down the street when they see a 7 year old boy come out of a candy store. The Priest says "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid with me?" to which the Rabbi replies "OUT OF WHAT?" Three gay guys are in a hot tub when a condom floats to the surface. One of the guys says, "OK WHO FARTED?" For extra offense. My last girlfriend called me a pedophile. Pretty big word for a 12-year-old. My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair. I guess we don't watch the same movies.  |
| Posted: 28 Jul 2009 05:53 AM PDT                                                                             |
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